Food For Thought: Favor and Marriage

 

Proverbs 18:22
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.

DEFINING MOMENT:

A friend once posed a question to me about marriage:

“Doesn’t the bible say that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing?” she asked. “Well, I’ve seen a lot of married men, but I wouldn’t call their wives ‘good things’ -- and neither do they!”

My friend raised an interesting point, and I’m glad she asked me the question. She presented what seem to be two conflicting truths: (1) The Word of God, which is entirely true, and (2) the reality of the absence of favor in many marriages. As I sought God’s Word for the appropriate answer, the Holy Spirit taught me a very valuable lesson. We cannot rely on dictionary definitions for things that God has clearly defined in His word. This was a very powerful learning moment for me as a student of the bible, for I’m also a student of the English language. I love learning new words and I’m a strong advocate for proper word usage as it relates to definition. I also believe that, when studying the bible, it is good to keep a dictionary handy. Nevertheless, God’s word is the ultimate reference.

Merriam-Webster defines a wife as the woman to whom a man is married, the female partner in marriage. This definition is certainly globally accepted and leaves little need for interpretation. Here’s where the difference comes in. God’s promise of favor in Proverbs 18:22 doesn’t apply to men who find women and marry them; it’s for men who find wives and marry them. The fact that he must find a wife, implies that a woman must already be a wife before the man finds her. This principle completely defies our dictionary definition. It means that there are specific characteristics that a woman must possess to qualify as a wife. According to the Word of God, a woman doesn’t become a wife by marrying; she must be a wife before she marries.

Fortunately, our Heavenly Father doesn’t leave us without a guide. Proverbs 31:10-31 gives a profoundly detailed description of all that God designed Woman to be. First of all, she is trustworthy and of noble character. Being of noble character suggests that she displays the fruit of God’s spirit, walking in the very image of God. These characteristics spill over into all her relationships. Her husband has full confidence in her and therefore, lacks nothing of value. Her very existence enriches his life. Each day, she adds to him, bringing him good, not harm. God built into every woman strong work ethic so that she may adequately care for her children and make necessary provisions for her household. God intended for all women to be wise. This wisdom is evident in every aspect of her life from relationships to finances. She speaks with wisdom and gives wise instruction. Because she has the heart of God, she is generous and considerate of those less fortunate. Because she is aware of her position of royalty in God’s Kingdom, she takes pride in her appearance. Her beauty, confidence, and cheerfulness brings respect to her husband and blessings to her children. This outline is God’s will for Woman. It makes her the kind of woman that brings favor to her husband and all her relationships. Putting Him above all things brings her honor and causes the favor that surrounds her life to be contagious. If you are a wife by the world’s definition and have failed to see the favor of God in your marriage, I encourage you to mirror yourself with God’s definition. His promises are yea and amen, but He is only obligated to the principles according to His own word.


MAN'S BEST FRIEND:

Men, your role in activating this particular realm of favor is to first seek God for a wife by His standards. The reason he has given such an explicit blueprint is because he has entrusted you with the role of “the seeker” and has given you the final say so. While women are becoming the wives that God intended, men have the responsibility and privilege of choosing the right women. In God’s original plans for courtship and marriage, the man was given the option to choose who he thought was most suitable for him. After creating the entire world, Heaven and Earth, God declared that everything He made was “very good”. The first time He acknowledged a deficiency was in Genesis 2:18.

Then the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him (NJKV).

When many people give account of this part of the Creation story, they often jump ahead to how God put Adam into a deep sleep, took a rib and made a woman, Eve. However, God gave man a much more active role in the process. Immediately after God recognized Adam’s state of aloneness, He formed and brought before him every kind of living creature to see what he would call them. Whatever Adam called it, that was its name; but for Adam, none was found suitable or complementary to him. Then came the deep sleep. God formed woman from Adam’s own flesh, and still brought her before him to make a choice. He found her comparable and called her Woman.

I think it’s amazing how instrumental the Lord allows us to be in the lives that He gave us. Even before the entrance of sin, God allowed us the privilege of choice, and at that point the only choices were between very good and very good. This means that what we like, our preferences and personal favorites matter to him and He has made every provision for us to obtain our heart’s desires. This right to choose is also why He gives such explicit instruction and example. Ladies, during the time while men are seeking, you should be waiting and being the virtuous woman that God designed you to be for the man He created you for. Understanding God’s will and purpose for you as a woman, shows you who you are and what you look like in His eyes. This is also how you should look to the man who chooses you. When men come seeking, be mindful of what they call you. Words like “catty”, “bitch”, “chick” and “shrew” have already been assigned; it was decided from the beginning that they are not suitable for women. Men, your blueprint is outlined in Proverbs 31, and God has permitted you to combine His perfect will with your personal preference. With that formula, how could you go wrong? After you have found your wife, the promise of favor is yours, but you must love her as God has commanded. Pray that she grows and be strengthened in the characteristics that qualified her in the first place (Ephesians 5:25-33). Love her as Christ loved the church. Then enjoy the favor.